I am a little bit scared right now, because I am starting to feel like I made it through the worst part of my recovery, and that now, I can handle anything.
But I know life doesn’t work that way.
We never just “make it through,” the worst part of something, and then have things come easy forever afterwards.
There were times in recovery where I felt this before, and then shortly after, I was hit with storms that were ten times darker and stronger than the previous one.
So, am I going to sit here and say the hardest part is over? No, because I don’t think it is.
I actually think that this will be a journey that I am on for the rest of my life.
But, the beautiful thing in that, is that recovery from my eating disorder no longer feels like a battle or a fight, it feels like a journey.
A journey to self love, self discovery, self respect and most of all, self worth.
I think I can accept being on that journey forever.
It might be a hard journey, but a rewarding journey, and a journey that others may never have the opportunity to go on.
I think I am slowly starting to realize some of the reasons why God sent Ed into my life.
I used to be so mad at him for it, and I used to wonder why. Why he was always putting me through one hardship after another, this eating disorder being the worst of them all.
But if I didn’t have an eating disorder, I wouldn’t have started my path to recovery from it, and therefore, I wouldn’t be on this journey to self love, that so many others in this world will miss out on.
I think I am even starting to embrace this journey.
Its struggles, its tears, and its darkness; because without those things, I wouldn’t appreciate how amazing it is to be standing in a world of light, even if sometimes it is just a tiny light bulb.
I am thankful to be on this journey today, and that makes me grateful to say, hello life.