I didn’t write earlier today, because honestly, I had nothing to really say, and I am so glad that I waited because about 30 minutes ago I had one of those little unexpected moments where life teaches you an unexpected lesson.
I was tutoring one of my students who is six years old, and out of no where, in the middle of our lesson, he said to me, “Shira, you’re so smart. I want to be like you.”
I laughed it off and gave him a big hug, and then moved on with the lesson like it was no big deal.
But, it was a big deal.
It was like for that second, and for that moment, I wasn’t someone who is stressed out in school, or someone who is constantly trying to hold it all together so no one else can see my pain; and I wasn’t a victim of Ed.
I wasn’t someone in recovery for an eating disorder.
I was someone who was smart and someone who this kid looked up to.
Sometimes, I think it takes these small reminders from life to remind all of us that we are so much more than what we think we are.
Today, hearing that six year old tell me he wants to be like me, and not because of the way I look-made me step outside myself and it made me realize I am a part of someone else’s world .
I am part of other peoples lives.
I am a part of this kid’s life who I tutor.
I am a part of my families lives and I am a part of my friends lives.
I am even a part of the lives of the followers and readers of this blog.
With Ed, it was impossible to be a part of anyone else’s life.
When I was living in my eating disorder, I was only part of my own obsessed life.
A life that was painted with numbers, isolation, and self judgement on every single wall.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to be part of other people’s lives.
Those painted confined walls of self torment and loneliness that Ed once helped me build are no longer keeping me imprisoned.
Now, with every step of my recovery, and with every inch of freedom from Ed that I have gained, those walls have slowly become doors.
Those doors have led to people; beautiful people who have let me become part of their lives, and I love it.
Hello to more walls turning into doors, and hello life.