Day 145: The Trouble Is…We Think We Have Time

Hi guys,

Well, lets just say I woke up today to do a body check that I really didn’t like. And I didn’t like it later on in the day when I did it again either.

But I had a plan today, and I had things I needed to get done-and still need to get done.

So, what did I do?

I did them.

I don’t have time to waste hating every inch of my body today.

I could do it, of course.

I could totally have bailed on my homework plans, I could have cancelled my nail appointment, and I could cancel my plans tonight, but why?

So Ed and I can bask together miserably over something that I really cannot control anymore?

Not worth it, and truthfully, it would have absolutely no point anymore.

It’s not like I can go and diet my way out of this new healthier body, so what is the point of thinking about how much I don’t like it?

It would be a waste of time.

The concept of time is one that has been interesting me and intriguing me a lot lately.

Do we really have all this time in life  to take minutes out of the day to seriously judge ourselves?

Maybe I don’t understand the concept of time yet.

Time is precious, I know that-and it is not given freely and endlessly.

So why did I think I had all this time to waste on self hatred?

Time can either be an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to self scrutinize, or it can all be an illusion that each of our own Ed’s are pulling us into.

I don’t want to waste my time; my precious destined allocated time, on Ed today.

I don’t have time to waste time on things that will bring me down.

All  I have time for is to love the life I am blessed with in this moment- incuding the shell which is my body, that is carrying my soul.

Hello life.

time

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4 thoughts on “Day 145: The Trouble Is…We Think We Have Time

  1. Shira,
    I am so proud of you! There would have been a time that you would have cancelled your plans and focused all of your precious time and energy on Ed and worried, wasted and self-scrutinized, as you put it. You are doing a great job and self love and compassion. I love the quote you posted! Just remember to live in the moment and don’t worry about the future! xoxo
    I love you!

  2. This reminded me of a t-shirt I saw once and wish I had ordered. It said, “Start a revolution, stop hating your body.” I loved it but not sure I’d have the guts to wear it just yet if I did have it. I think talking to others about the damage this thinking and acting does to ones psyche helps somehow diffuse it. When I look in the mirror I try to diffuse the thoughts that pile in as soon as I can. I’m very good at avoidance and suppression of emotions so I’ve found it not too difficult to do, for better or worse.

    I had a profound experience years ago that utterly changed my expression to others of how I really felt about my body (making me keep my opinion to my self and my blog). I had a friend who was always asking if she looked fat in this or in that or just when ever. She didn’t have an ED but did have undiagnosed body dystrophia. We even joked about it being carved into her head stone when she died. Well one day her son, maybe 5 or 6 at the time, got really upset because she asked everyone except him if she looked fat. Of course he had no clue what it was all about but he was very upset about this.

    We think people don’t really pay attention to what we say or even hear us but there are always kids out in public who hear this stuff that we are always on about. Years later I saw him again, when he turned 11. He is not faring well and guess what he chose to use to stuff down his feelings? Yep, food. He is quite overweight and his mom keeps thinking he is going to grow out of it… you know, like we grew out of our eating disorders, sigh….

    Anyway, your saying Hello Life is what we all need to do instead of hating ourselves so much. It’s hard but at least it’s a step in the right direction.

    Ps. I’ve missed reading your blog. It always kept me focused forward. I need to get back on here and stay. Thanks for posting. 🙂

  3. In my opinion, time is just thoughts. Without thoughts, nothing happens, nothing changes, and on top of that, you wouldn’t be conscious to notice the change. If nothing ever happened or changed, how could there be time?
    Thoughts are more important than time.

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