Good afternoon everyone,
Today I turned in my first news story for my summer school class and it feels really good.
At first my day started kind of hectic, because when I did my body check this morning, I was really not happy with what I saw.
But after I saw E, and after I got an interview for my story that was due at 1 p.m., I began to forget about that body check and about the food I ate yesterday or today.
I was so focused on writing a good story and submitting it on time, that those thoughts about my body quieted a little.
Now that I am done, I find myself sitting here feeling a little bit anxious about the rest of my day in terms of food.
I am now starting to think about all the food I ate this week, if it was bad or good, and what will happen when I eat like that again today? or tomorrow?
I think my mind tends to go back to Ed when I let myself relax for a moment.
Why can’t I enjoy feeling productive and also enjoy feeling relaxed?
It is almost like I can’t be alone with my own moment of relaxation for too long, before Ed comes in and tries to take me away from it.
But I worked really hard this week in school, and I want to let myself relax and enjoy.
I want to enjoy my time, the people I am with, and even the food that goes with that.
I am on my way out the door to go tutor, another part of my life that helps me feel productive, which seems to fill me with healthy positive feelings about myself.
When I tutor, or when I am writing for school-I am not a part of Ed-I am a smart, driven, and dedicated girl who is devoted to doing the best job she can do.
And I like that feeling.
I actually am going to end this post on that note,because it made me feel really good to say that.
I apologize if this post does not have a direct message or lesson, but sometimes I just need to write what is on my mind.
Right now, I need to remind myself that I am smart, driven and dedicated-even if it comes from me tutoring or writing and not from winning a battle with Ed.
These positive thoughts about myself give me the strength to treat myself kindly and well, and I love that.
I feel smart right now and it’s a good feeling to value myself in that way.
Hello to feeling valued, hello to feeling productive and hello life.