Day 136: Feeling Productive

Good afternoon everyone,

Today I turned in my first news story for my summer school class and it feels really good.

At first my day started kind of hectic, because when I did my body check this morning, I was really not happy with what I saw.

But after I saw E, and after I got an interview for my story that was due at 1 p.m., I began to forget about that body check and about the food I ate yesterday or today.

I was so focused  on writing a good story and submitting it on time, that those thoughts about my body quieted a little.

Now that I am done, I find myself sitting here feeling a little bit anxious about the rest of my day in terms of food.

I am now starting to think about all the food I ate this week, if it was bad or good, and what will happen when I eat like that again today? or tomorrow?

I think my mind tends to go back to Ed when I let myself relax for a moment.

Why can’t I enjoy feeling productive and also enjoy feeling relaxed?

It is almost like I can’t be alone with my own moment of relaxation for too long, before Ed comes in and tries to take me away from it.

But I worked really hard this week in school, and I want to let myself relax and enjoy.

I want to enjoy my time, the people I am with, and even the food that goes with that.

I am on my way out the door to go tutor, another part of my life that helps me feel productive, which seems to fill me with healthy positive feelings about myself.

When  I tutor, or when I am writing for school-I am not a part of Ed-I am a smart, driven, and dedicated girl who is devoted to doing the best job she can do.

And I like that feeling.

I actually am going to end this post on that note,because it made me feel really good to say that.

I apologize if this post does not have a direct message or lesson, but sometimes I just need to write what is on my mind.

Right now, I need to remind myself that I am smart, driven and dedicated-even if it comes from me tutoring or writing and not from winning a battle with Ed.

These positive thoughts about myself give me the strength to treat myself kindly and well, and I love that.

I feel smart right now and it’s a good feeling to value myself in that way.

Hello to feeling valued, hello to feeling productive and hello life.


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