I apologize for the late blog posts latley-I just haven’t found time to write until later in the day.
I don’t know why, but today, I had a pretty easy day with Ed.
It could be because I am busy with school, so my mind is preoccupied with homework and studying.
Maybe it’s that I was busy all day-but either way, I didn’t allocate too much time to worrying about food today.
Even during my busy day, I still stopped to eat breakfast, lunch, snacks and now I will go eat dinner. The craziest part is that I have been eating all these meals alone.
Eating alone used to be something that I could never do.
The thought of sitting with food without the distraction of other people around me was too much to handle.
But now, I kind of like that I am able to eat alone.
I don’t particularly like how it feels, but I like that I can do what I need to do to take care of myself-without anyone else watching.
I actually like taking care of myself now.
I tried thinking about why I was having a good day today.
Why am I OK with my body today, but I wasn’t a few days ago? How does my perception shift and change so much?
But then I realized, why should I even waste time trying to analyze all that and figure it out?
Well, I know why-because I love answers and facts and I love to know the why to every situation.
But I couldn’t figure it out today.
Maybe today was easier because I am busy, but maybe not.
Does it truly matter? I guess in this situation, the saying “why is interesting but irrelevant” really does apply.
I like my body today.
What a relief.
Maybe it can last until tomorrow.
Until then, I am going to enjoy this day of ease, I am going to enjoy feeling productive while doing homework, and I am even going to enjoy the dinner I am about to go make for myself.
I am happy and thankful for days like today.
Today was peaceful; not with school, not even with my need to do the immense amount of homework I have-but peaceful within my body and mind.
I feel at ease and I feel at peace for now; and to that, I can happily say hello life.