Good afternoon everybody,
I am really not having the greatest day so far.
I woke up feeling sick, didn’t like the way I looked in my body check, and didn’t really like the way I looked in the dress that I am planning to wear later tonight to a party.
I spent some time with my mom in the morning, and I started to feel a little bit more at ease, but when I was driving to my nail appointment, I just was stuck in bad mood.
I was hungry before I left, so I ate.
But then I was mat at myself that I ate, because it wasn’t the “right time” for lunch.
And then I felt sick again, and I was mad about that too. But mostly, I was upset I ate food.
I was in a rut and I wasn’t even trying to get out of it.
Right as I pulled into the parking lot of my nail appointment, the one song that I keep special for my grandpa (who passed away 2 years ago) and I, came on the radio.
As my mom told me before, I could write a book about this song and all the times it has helped me in the past year.
This song has only come on the radio 2 times before today in this past year (it’s not a common song).
The first time, it came on when I left my boyfriend of 3 years. I told my grandpa to play that song on the radio that day if I was making the right choice, and he did.
The second time was two weeks ago when I wanted to go re-open that old relationship, and I was doubtful, yet I knew I needed to get closure, so I asked him to play the song that day if I was right for going, and believe it or not, at 5 pm that day, the song came on.
And then, it came on today.
I didn’t ask him for advice today, and I didn’t even ask him to play that song, but he knew I needed it.
When I heard that song, it just brought me back to the present moment.
It reminded me of what really mattered in my life, and it wasn’t the food I ate for lunch; in that moment, it was my connection with him that I still have even though he is not physically here.
I didn’t have time to think about the song too much because I had an appointment.
So I looked up, closed my eyes,and said thank you and moved on with my day, eating and everything else.
When I got home about an hour ago, my phone stopped working.
It’s still not really working.
I was feeling so frustrated and irritated, and I told my best friend that I wanted to write this blog, but I can’t even focus because how mad I am about my phone.
“Screw the phone, it can be fixed,” is what she said.
She was so right.
And for some reason, when she said that, it brought me back to that moment when I heard that song on the radio today.
It’s a dumb phone.
The food was just food.
I was reminded twice today, to take a step back from what I was feeling,and just remember to breathe.
Close my eyes, take a deep breath, and breathe.
I am ok.
Everything is actually really OK. Little things can be fixed and emotions will pass.
This day doesn’t have to be bad, and I think my grandpa wanted to remind me so stay grounded today when he played our song for me.
My head and my heart belong here.
Right here, in this present moment; not off far away in some lost world with Ed or with anger.
It’s just not worth it.
I need to stay grounded and present today.
It’s never too late to make any day a good day, so mine will start now.