Day 129: Exhausted But Still Smiling

Hi everyone,

I’m really exhausted today and don’t have very much to write about, at least so far in my day.

I was supposed to see my Karen (my nutritionist) today, but I moved our appointment to Monday.

For whatever reason, my intution was telling me not to go see her today.

I know that I am coming off from a weekend/week filled with lots of food because of out of town family and going out, and I have had a hard time with that.

Even though I promised myself and Kim (my trainer), that I would not ask Karen if I gained weight this week, something told me that I would lose my willpower and ask her.

I am not sure if she would even answer the question, but the fact that  I could feel my willpower weakening was enough for me not to go today.

Why go there and break my own promise to myself, and then feel upset and mad at myself all day over number one the answer to my question about the weight, and number two, to the fact that I broke my own promise.

For me, there is nothing more disappointing then letting myself down.

It just wasn’t worth it today.

I haven’t seen E yet this week, and I am seeing her tomorrow, and that is why I moved my appointment with Karen to Monday, because by then, I feel that I will be in a better place. And if not, I will go anyway.

I am exhausted from summer school, working, and waking up extra early to fit in my workouts.

I ate foods today that I am not comfortable with (delicious fresh dips and chips from a farmers market), but hey,  I guess this is happening every day lately, so what is one more day?

I am just really tired today-not even of recovery, just physically drained.

I am not sure how I will pull off summer school for the next 6 weeks, on top of keeping all my appointments with E, Karen and Kim, and working, and still trying to have fun, but its a lesson in balance that I will take with stride.

Even though I am tired today, I am going out with a friend later.

I have my outfit already chosen (a process that took about 45 minutes last night after I tried everything on-a whole entire blog entry to write about on its own) and I am getting my hair done.

Everything is in place for me to feel good about myself when I leave the house, and I need that right now.

I also would like to say thank you for the beautiful comments and messages that I have been receiving lately. It is those words that truly keep me going during days like today where I am drained.

Its OK that I am tired today. I am actually happy that I am tired today.

It means I can let myself feel things other than just fear over weight and food. It’s a little bit refreshing actually to feel this way instead of feeling anxious.

I end this post, lending myself my own piece of advice: to smile.

Why should I smile? Because even though I am not the happiest at the moment, I am grateful for my life and all the beauty inside the love and support around me that comes with it.

I’m tired, I’m drained, I feel full…bla bla bla-same stuff ,right?

But the point is, I am still smiling,and to that I can say, “hello life.”


One thought on “Day 129: Exhausted But Still Smiling

  1. Smart choice ! I love it ! It’s not being defeated, it’s knowing that sometimes we get weak, it’s apart of our human nature. You’re sticking to your committment, and that’s showing strength with in your weakness. Keep going my love! You’re in the process of re- wiring your thinking patterns and the more you practice this positive mindset, the more it’ll become a flow! Just like your workouts! We’re re- wiring your body mechanics! Stay strong in your journey ! See you at 11 for training!!!!

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