Good afternoon all,
I was at the gym this afternoon and at first I felt so strong and energized, that I decided to run a little bit before I met with my trainer, Kim.
Running turned into not being such a great idea because when it came time for me to workout with her, I was low on energy and I felt dizzy quickly.
I normally don’t do cardio before I see Kim, and if I do, I only walk.
But today, for whatever reason, I had it within me to do a little more.
I didn’t over work my body and I didn’t let Ed get to me-I stopped after 20 minutes and I was proud of myself for that.
But as Kim and I were working out, she kept giving me breaks in between my exercises and she was not pushing me as hard as I know she could have, had I not ran before.
This frustrated me. It was my fault that I wasn’t able to work out as hard as I could, and when I let myself down, the only person I can blame is myself.
I just started telling her how angry I was at myself that I couldn’t do more with her today, when a stranger at the gym walked up to us.
He looked at us and said, “I just need to tell you both how incredible you are. You (meaning me), have made such great progress since you’ve been here and it really shows.”
Wow. Here I was upset that I couldn’t get in an extra round of pushups, and this man decided to tell me how he has seen me progress.
The best part about what he said is that he didn’t say, “You’re so skinny, how did you do that?”.
He said my progress has greatly shown, meaning that my body is looking physically stronger and healthier than it used to be, and that he sees how much more I am capable of doing now.
The kindness of that man really changed my attitude.
There I was upset over a tiny bump in my day, and once that man said that to me, it made me realize that he is right-I have made tremendous progress.
When I first started with Kim, all I was allowed to do was stretch, because of how little I was eating.
But now that I giving myself the nutrients that I need, I am able to strengthen my body and my muscles, and it felt so good that someone else actually noticed that.
That man had no idea I am in recovery for an eating disorder-all he saw was someone who was working towards a goal and making progress.
I loved that he used the word progress. Progress means something that is on its way; it means something that is going to continue; something that is no where near the end.
I don’t care anymore that I wasn’t able to do as much with Kim today as I normally would have. I really don’t.
I care that I’ve made progress, and lots of it for that matter.
It’s a beautiful thing that I am able to embrace the kind words of this stranger who I never even met.
His words really made me proud of the progress that I’ve made with my recovery, with my health and with accepting my body as a whole as I get it to be healthier.
I like the word progress, I want to use it more.
I am a person in progress.
I am in progress with my recovery, with my relationship with Ed, with my relationship with myself, and mostly, I am in progress in creating the free and beautiful life that I deserve for myself without Ed.
I am in progress and I am moving forward with another day of recovery and with another day of saying, “hello life.”