Good afternoon everyone,
This week has been a week about learning to balance things in my life.
I’ve had to learn to balance the making of new friends, how to deal with going with the flow of these new friends, and I’ve had to balance the obligations of school, family and recovery all at the same time.
For someone like me who has a very all or nothing mentality, balance is not something that comes easily to me.
I’ve had a few situations this week, especially with new friends, where I had to learn to let go of my all or nothing way of thinking and to just go with the flow of life.
The food we ate wasn’t food I usually eat, and I had to learn to let that go and try to find a balance between exploring something new, yet still feeling comfortable.
I also have been overwhelmed with school (as finals are next week for me), work, and of course still wanting to spend time with my family.
Along the way of trying to balance all these priorities this week, I feel that I kind of put my my meal plan, and in turn, part of my recovery, last on my priority list.
While I have been sticking to my meal plan, I’ve been sticking to the most minimal amount possible. I’ve been following the meal plan I first received when I started recovery, not the meal plan I have currently worked my way up to now.
At first, this didn’t bother me, because I felt I was still following a meal plan that was given to me by a nutritionist.
But now that I have had time to think about it and talk about it with E, I know that this is me not giving my all to my recovery.
I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel somewhat good to have a little bit more control over this meal plan this week, and that it didn’t feel like somewhat of a relief to be eating slightly less, but the aftermath of it all leaves me feeling disappointed in myself.
Just because I am busy with this crazy thing called life, it doesn’t give me the green light to put recovery and to put taking care of myself further down on my list of priorities.
Taking care of me and my needs and my recovery need to be first on my priority list right now-before school, before new friends and even before family, because if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t be present with the important people in my life.
So, I’ve started today off well, eating a good breakfast and a good lunch, and I am happy to feel back on track.
I don’t view these past few days as a failure, but rather a reminder that while I am learning to live life much more free of Ed, I still need to put recovery and all that comes with it (such as the meal plan) first.
I slipped for a moment, but have picked myself right back up, and it feels pretty good to do so.
On that note, I am ready to stand tall and say to Ed, to you all and myself, “hello life.”