Good afternoon everyone,
This is by far the latest blog post I have ever written, but with very good reason.
Usually, either I wake up in the morning feeling that I want to write about something in that moment, or wanting to write about something from the day before-but today, I woke up and I really didn’t have anything to say yet.
I didn’t have any bad feelings about my body when I did my body check (something that is slowly becoming shorter and not as frequent).
I went to the gym feeling strong and energized. I felt good that I was able to use my food today as a way to give my body fuel to help make it stronger.
Even when I ate lunch, and then had frozen yogurt after (something that at first felt a little uncomfortable), I didn’t let Ed take over me.
I recognized I was feeling uncomfortable with what I was eating, but I also knew that this is what I wanted to eat in this moment, so I let forced myself to let that uncomfortable feeling dwell for a little while, and then later push through it and eat what I wanted.
I went to school today and now I am going to study, and take care of the things that I need to do.
It feels good to be productive today and not have Ed or his draining thoughts take up so much space in my head.
I feel like this has been one of my easiest days of recovery so far, and I am just going to embrace it and enjoy the ride.
It’s nice to know that even though most days of my recovery do come with a lot of mental work and inner strength, that there are also easier days, like today, that will come my way.
I am thankful that I have been blessed with a day like today where Ed is quiet.
I find myself almost waiting for Ed to become loud again-he was loud for a moment at lunch with the frozen yogurt, and I haven’t heard from him since.
But now that I am writing about how I am having an easier day today, I am fearful he might decide to ruin that for me.
But I am determined to finish this day just how it started-it started good and it will end good, and Ed started quiet, and he will remain quiet-I will make sure of it.
I finish this post feeling calm, relaxed, and ready to go be productive and take care of the rest of my day, without Ed-and to that I can say, hello life.