Day 106: Today, All I Can Do Is My Best

Good morning everyone,

OK, so yesterday I got a really good lesson in learning to go with the flow of things.

I had a friend come over to do a school project, and she suggested we make dinner, since she had brought me dessert.

We made pasta, had wine, and even had chocolate and dessert afterwards.

It was so much fun to just be social with someone and go through the experience of cooking dinner and enjoying what we had made.

But after she left, I found myself already listening to Ed.

I listened to that voice when it said that I ate far too much pasta, and way too much dessert, and that the wine is empty calories.

This morning, I was sure I would get up and go run it all off.

But I woke up today, so hungry and tired.

I ate a larger breakfast than I normally would, again, thinking I would go work out, but here I am a few hours later, and my body really does not want to do it.

My legs are sore from working out yesterday,and for whatever reason, I just am plain old tired.

My dilemma now, is what do I do?

I already sat here for about 30 minutes and thought about how I could make up for not working out today by trying to cut calories out of other meals, but I know that is not even a possible option to consider.

I can try to go workout, despite the fact that my body is saying not to, but that would be giving into Ed.

My question is, on days like today, do I learn to go with the ebb and flow of life, and just listen to my body? Do I try to get over the fact that I ate more than I am comfortable with yesterday and already today and just move on and let it stress me out for a little while?

Or, do I just give into Ed for the sake of saving myself the anxiety that not giving into him will bring me?

Of course, the healthy answer is easier said than done, and I am not sure how, but I will find it within me to choose recovery today, and not Ed.

I will stick to my meal plan no matter what, and I will not workout, because my body is saying not to.

I don’t know how I will go about today.

I am not a perfect person in recovery, and today, my recovery will not be perfect, but I am going to do the best that I can to show myself compassion and love, because I really need it right now.

Karen (my nutritionist) would tell me that it is OK, and even part of the definition of normal eating, to eat how I ate last night with my friend .

But Ed does not agree with her, and today, I am seeing things from Ed’s point of view.

All I can do is say that I will do my best today to be the best recovery warrior that I can be, even though my best seems to be hiding behind Ed.

I will do my best, and I will be proud of myself for doing even that.

Today, my best will have to be enough, and to that I can say, ” hello life.”

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