Day 102: No Sugarcoating

Hello everyone,

Well, today has been challenging.

I didn’t see Karen (my nutritionist) for two weeks because she was on vacation. I was already nervous yesterday about seeing her today since in these past few weeks I know I’ve been eating more than ever before in my recovery.

When Karen weighs me, it takes literally about two seconds and then it is over.

We don’t talk about it and we don’t speak numbers; we do it and move on. But today, I was so extremely anxious because of my increase in food that I asked her about it.

Of course, she would never tell me a number, and I don’t need or even want to know the number, as this is why I am doing a year without a scale.  But she was honest with me, and told me I went up a few ounces.

OK, so a few ounces. Normally, she would never even tell me that, but I am grateful she did today because it put my mind at ease, and it shows me that I can trust her.

I freaked out a little bit when I heard about those few ounces, but after talking with Karen, I calmed down.

A few ounces could mean anything–muscle, water, stress, or maybe just plain old weight. And let’s be real, my recovery would not be recovery if it entailed weight loss, so a few ounces increase here and there is something I really need to get used to-and that is exactly what Karen told me today.

I know that I won’t know every time my weight changes, but I know my body enough to feel it without a scale or person telling me so.

The point is this-Karen told me today, straight in my eyes, that I need to be ready for changes and I need to be ready to let my body do what it wants to do, whether I approve of it or not.

She did not sugarcoat anything ,as no one in my recovery team ever has.

E never sugarcoated recovery for me, Karen has never sugarcoated recovery and neither has my trainer Kim-and I am thankful for that because I like to know the truth.

But at the same time, it is not the greatest feeling for someone to look at you and tell you to pretty much brace yourself for the upcoming challenges you are going to be facing.

Karen doesn’t know what my body will do. Maybe it will stay here, maybe it will get more muscle, maybe it will fluctuate-she doesn’t know-but she knows that I need to stop worrying about it so much and I need to stop trying to control it.

I know that Karen has been in this field for a long time, and by her saying that I need to be ready to embrace changes, I know she is trying to plant a seed in my mind because she knows what lies ahead of me.

I appreciate her honesty and I am thankful for it.

But honestly, no one in recovery, at least me, is ready to hear, from anyone on their team, that they need to be ready for the future challenges that lay ahead of them; no one at all in life for that matter, I think, is ever ready to hear they have future challenges to face.

But, today I heard it.

What can I say about it? I didn’t like it.

But, I’m glad I heard it because now I will mentally prepare myself for whatever changes will continue to come my way on my path to recovery.

I’ve never been afraid of challenges and I am not about to start now, especially after reaching past day 100 of recovery and of no scale.

The sugarcoating days of me trying to tell myself that maybe recovery won’t totally change my body are definitely gone now, but I think it’s a good thing.

I am realistic now about my recovery, and I believe I am in the right place to handle the challenges that are about to come my way.

Hello to facing new challenges and hello life.

challenge

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6 thoughts on “Day 102: No Sugarcoating

  1. That is the one thing I find I can’t trust yet with my nutritionist, that she isn’t letting me blow up to a gazillion pounds. It’s funny because, and I told her we all do this, I watch her face, her expression and her ever so slight comments and the way she says “good”. I take her “good” to mean that I gained and she says “good” because I didn’t lose. She’s told me over and over that she isn’t interested in me reaching a specific number but rather being where my body wants to be in order to maintain health. Still….

    • Yes, that is what my nutritionist said too, about being where your body wants it to be, and to me, that is the scariest thing,because I don’t have total trust in my body yet either. But, we’re all here doing it together–one day, one hour at a time. It’s so amazing that you can continue to push on even through the fear of what your body might do. You’re incredible! Keep going.

      • Ahhh, thank you… I feel the same about you. I read your posts and they help me to keep going, to not buy a scale or measuring tapes, or anything like that. Your honesty at difficulties yet willingness to rejoice in triumphs amazes me. I hope someday I can switch the latter on and be able to enjoy what the world would perceive as successes.

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