What a day today is .
I am getting ready to take my twin sister to the airport in about 30 minutes, where she will leave on a plane to Barcelona to study abroad for 6 weeks.
I knew this day would come for months now, and I was trying not to think about it.
Monique, my sister, has truly been my rock throughout my recovery. On my bad days, she knows what to say.
When she sees me trying on all my clothes, she knows how to get me to stop.
When I start rambling on about how much food I just ate, she puts things in perspective and brings me out of Ed’s world and back into the present moment.
But most importantly, she reminds me all the time that I am perfect the way I am-outside and inside.
She loves me for me, unconditionally, all the time, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Between Monique and I, I have always been the type A go-getter kind of person, and she has been the laid back and easy going person. We balance each other out.
She has spent a lot of time in her life pleasing others and trying to make people happy, and over the past year, I have seen her grown into this amazing strong woman who puts herself first.
This journey that she is about to take is almost like my journey that I am on with my recovery; she is going to start the journey to standing on her own two feet and starting to find herself.
She can’t do this with me there (although I wish she could, because I am protective of her and think I know everything about will make her happy , even though I don’t), but she can’t.
Just how I need to stand on my own two feet and fight Ed, my sister needs to take this journey on her own too.
I am happy for her, but sad for myself, and that is why today is bittersweet.
I have not done recovery without Monique yet.
She was there before I even told anyone I was battling with an eating disorder; for a year, she was the only one who knew-and despite her fear for my health, she kept my secret safe until I was ready to tell my family.
She was the first person I told that I want to get help.
She protected me when others would say triggering comments in the beginning of my recovery; she was my shield, and in the process, I have become her inspiration.
I will never forget the first day I had to follow my first meal plan during recovery.
I didn’t know how I could do it.
Monique came that day-in the middle of the afternoon-and sat down and ate lunch with me.
I am about to cry as I think back on that moment right now.
I am not sure if she knows, but that first lunch, was one of my hardest meals,and after I was able to conquer it, I felt I could do dinner.
If not for Monique, who knows if I would have had the strength to complete my first day on my meal plan?
Here I am, 130 days into recovery, and there has not been one day that she has not been my number one supporter.
I hope to take this time that she is away, to continue to transform myself into a victor and not a victim of Ed-into a champion, into a survivor, and above all, into a person who loves herself.
I will continue on my journey , and my sister will begin hers.
To my dearest sister-thank you for being my hope, faith, strength, and love during these 130 days-I am forever grateful. I am excited for this new journey for you, and all the new lessons it will teach you.
It won’t be easy to do recovery without my sister, but I know she is with me in spirit.
Part of my recovery is learning to let those who I have taken care of for so long, and often times, put before myself, to venture out on their own-and that is what I am doing with my sister leaving to Spain.
Hello to continuing my journey, hello to my sister beginning hers, and hello life.