As you all know,yesterday was not an easy day for me, as Ed was a little bit more talkative than he had been in the past week or so.
Unfortunately, today is no different.
Even after my workout with my trainer, and even after trying to give myself affirmations of self love all morning, I find that I just am not comfortable in my skin today.
There was a point in my recovery where on a day like this, I would only be able to sit here and just think about how terrible I feel and I would not be able to do anything else.
But I feel like I have reached a point in my recovery now, where I can sit here, acknowledge how I feel, and then try to challenge those thoughts and feelings with truths and with facts.
So, instead of getting lost in Ed’s vicious cycle and going in circles all day about what I need to change, how I need to change it, and how bad I think I look, I am going to trust the facts that I know are true, since my perceptions of the way I see myself are not a trusted source of information for me just yet.
Fact: I have been sticking to my meal plan, and the meal plan is healthy for me.
Fact: I need to stick to the meal plan, and I know exactly what to do.
Fact: I cannot trust my own eyes, at least not yet.
Fact: My nutritionist would not put me on a meal plan that is not good for me.
Fact: I trust my team.
Fact: By sticking to my meal plan and to my recovery, I am winning back another day of freedom that I lost to Ed.
Fact: I will get through today.
That is pretty much all I have to say today.
I need to trust what I know, not what I think, and I know that I need to follow the meal plan, I know that when I do follow it, I feel much better about myself and that by following it, I am slowly killing Ed.
I am going to try to forget my skewed perceptions of myself that Ed has taken so much time to create and I am going to try to focus on the beautiful day that is ahead of me, and not on my physical shell that holds the soul inside me.
I know I can do recovery, and I know I can do recovery again today because I will not give up on myself, and to that I can say, hello life.