Good morning everyone,
A little over a month ago, I got a call from my school telling me that I was nominated to receive an award. It was a crazy day the day I got that call and I just blew it off.
Since then, I got multiple emails and follow up calls asking if I am going to the ceremony, and I kept saying no.
I couldn’t figure out who in the faculty nominated me for this award and why I was getting it. I didn’t want to stand up in front of all these people and get recognized.
But two nights ago, when I got another email asking me to describe myself so the announcer can properly introduce me and when she said only 20 out of 800 students are getting this award, I decided that I need to go.
I tried to forget that she said only 20 of 800 get this award-I tried to forget that it actually made me happy to be recognized for something other than being “skinny,”-I tried to forget I was excited.
But I sit here this morning, and even though the ceremony is not until later in May, I am excited.
Whoever nominated me for that award didn’t nominate me because I am a certain number on a scale, they didn’t nominate me because they thought I am skinny, and they didn’t even nominate me because they know I am in recovery for an eating disorder or because I write this blog.
They nominated me because of my academic standing, because of the example I set and because for whatever reason, they saw something in me that others did not see that they thought deserved rewarding.
But the real reward in getting this award isn’t the award itself, its the fact that I am going to get myself out of my comfort zone and push myself.
I am going to force myself to let this person acknowledge me and my accomplishments, even though I have tended to hide myself for so many years behind Ed.
I can only bring one person to the ceremony, and I want that to be my little brother, because I feel out of all the people in the world, it’s most important for him to be able to see me accept this award, for him to see me be proud of myself.
I am sure by the time the actual ceremony comes I will not want to go anymore because the idea of getting recognized for something good I’ve done is already making me not want to go, but I know I need to.
It’s a vital part of recovery.
Opening my eyes to the ways other see me instead of just the way I see myself is a huge part of recovery .
I deserve to get this award and be acknowledged for something that has nothing at all to do with numbers, weight, or even recovery.
This will be another step outside of my comfort zone, and by the time that ceremony happens, I will make sure I am going to go, whether I am ready or not.
I am excited and I feel proud, and to that I can say, hello life.