Day 92: Getting Back Double

Hi everyone,

In yesterday’s post I wrote about how I woke up in the morning to find that I had a flat tire. When I wrote the post, I said that this flat tire gave me an extra hour to rest and the time to write.

I would later discover that this flat tire would not just give me an extra hour to rest; but it would give me  two and a half extra hours to rest, (due to a system glitch with AAA), and two beautiful life lessons.

The first lesson that my flat tire taught me happened when the tow truck finally arrived, two and a half hours after I called.

I was frustrated by that time because my entire morning had been thrown off schedule and I was upset that something like a system glitch, was so out of my control.

But I stayed positive, smiled at the nice man with the tow truck and told him my day was going great.

Right as he started to fix my tire, a second tow truck pulled up right behind him.

Both of the men got the same call for my flat tire(another thing confirming that AAA was not lying about their system failure that morning).

But as I stood there in my driveway, I just couldn’t believe that I was seeing these two tow trucks sitting right next to each other.

Joel Osteen often says that when you go through hardships in life, and when you stay faithful and positive through those hardships, that God will restore you double what you lost.

He will restore double your happiness and double your good fortune.

And yesterday could not have been a better example of that.

Not only did God send me one tow truck, but he sent me two.

I truly felt that God was trying to send me a message yesterday.

He was trying to tell me that I need to stay positive, optimistic, and that I need to continue fighting to reach higher levels of recovery and of life, because when I persevere through this difficult journey, he will restore me double.

He will restore me double the friends I lost due to Ed, he will restore me double the happiness that Ed stole from me, he will restore me double the heart and soul that Ed blocked off and kept for himself.

And most importantly, he will restore me  double of my freedom back-something he already has begun to do.

The second lesson my flat tire taught me yesterday was the lesson of flexibility.

I am not one to be very flexible; which is why Ed and I got along for so many years. We both like rules, black and white thinking, and predictability in such a chaotic world.

But yesterday, the rules were all broken and there was nothing I could do about it.

I had to change my morning appointments, and later, when the spare tire I had began to deflate, I had to change my school plans and spend an hour and a half getting my tires totally replaced.

This was not my typical Monday, and it felt uncomfortable, yet it felt good to just go with the flow of life.

It felt good to let go of the black and white thinking that I tend to live my life by, yet am slowly starting to shy away from as my recovery progresses.

Recovery is flexible.

Some days I might find myself with my own flat tire, needing to change my plans a little bit.

For example, this morning, I woke up and did not like how my body looked in the mirror. I didn’t like it. I don’t have a specific thing I did not like because I didn’t like anything at all; all of it was bad to me.

But I was able to get dressed and start my morning, and even though Ed is still sitting here now, he’s quiet. He’s here, but hes quiet and I am thankful for that.

I can learn to be flexible with Ed-he might come, he might go, and he might linger around-but I am learning that the beauty of flexibility in recovery is that that is totally OK.

I know that if I continue to be kind to myself and my body, God will restore me double, as he already has begun to do.

I am so ready to receive double the happiness and most importantly, double my freedom.

Hello to getting back double, and hello life.


6 thoughts on “Day 92: Getting Back Double

  1. Shira, it sounds like you’re really learning a lot through your recovery process. I’m so proud of you and your new found ability to go with the flow. And you’re right, you will continue to experience these bumps in the road. It’s what you do with them that counts! I love you!

  2. If anyone can handle bumps in the road it is you. You have set your mind to do something and are doing it and also sharing your feelings as you go. Much love.

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