Good afternoon everyone,
So, here we are, 3 months into me not weighing myself; 3 months into me living in recovery from my eating disorder; and 3 months into living with the hello life mindset.
I use the term we, instead of I, because I truly feel this has become our journey.
It has become the journey of those who read this blog on a daily basis, it has become the journey of others in recovery like myself, it has become the journey for those who look for inspiration, and mostly, it has become the journey for one whole community of people coming together to strive for freedom.
3 months in marks a quarter into this one year of without a scale.
Yes, we are an entire quarter in, and it feels amazing.
When I first started this blog, I would have told you that in 3 months from now, the only thing I will write about or care about is food and how my body looks like. I would have told you that I would be miserable, and that I wouldn’t know how to live without my scale-without that number to validate myself.
But here I am, 3 months in, and when I look back on these months, my body and the weight changes that came with it do come to mind, but they are the last thing that come to mind .
The first thing that comes to mind when I look back on these few months, is the place I am now.
I actually value myself as a human being now . I value my mind, my knowledge, and I value my own inner strength.
I may not love my body yet, but I love that I am treating it kindly-nourishing it with everything it needs, because that shows me I care and love myself enough to do that even though it might be uncomfortable.
I love the spirit that is coming out of this body now. It is so free, and beautiful and it wants to share joy and inspiration with the world.
For a long time, Ed surpressed that spirit; he let me believe that he was my spirit-that a number on a scale was my spirit-and that I was nothing else.
But Ed is not who he once was 3 months ago. I used to imagine Ed as this big dark being who laughed at me and drowned out my voice. He took over every part of me. He felt huge and overpowering.
But now, I view Ed as this little tiny thing, maybe 1 inch tall, who just sits on my shoulder and tries to whisper lies in my ear.
He is like a lost puppy who lost his home, and only wants to find his way back. I almost pity Ed now, because he is getting very loneley in his dark world. And even on the days when I come back to visit him for a little, he is losing his power.
He is losing his power because I am gaining perspective on who I am.
Most importantly, if there is one thing I can say that I have learned in these 3 months of being in recovery, it’s that I’ve leanred that I am in love with me.
I love me.
I don’t love every part of me every single second, I don’t love all parts of my body, and I don’t love every aspect of the hard journey I am currently on, but at the end of the day, I love me enough to continue to perservere on this journey even in the face of those dark and lonely days when its just Ed and I.
I am excited to see the beauty that will come my way with the next 3 months of recovery.
Yes, suffering will come with that beauty-pain will come with that beauty-and tears will come with that beauty. But that beauty will turn into freedom, and it is a fight well worth the battle.
So, here we go into another 3 months of one year without a scale, and into another 3 months of embarking on this journey of freedom.
Hello to continuing to fight for the life of freedom we all deserve, and hello life.