Good morning all,
I’ve waited a little bit to write this post this morning because I woke up feeling great.
I woke up feeling at ease, rested, and simply with a happy outlook on today.
I wasn’t sure if this feeling of happiness would all last through getting dressed (the hardest part of my day)and through eating breakfast, so I didn’t want to speak and write this post too quickly in case something changed; but, happily, the feeling did last, so here I am.
After the past two posts I wrote, I felt strong, and I felt loud.
I was using my voice, the voice that Ed once never let me use to stand up for myself because I was never skinny enough or good enough or worthy enough.
These past two days, I was honoring myself, staying true to myself, and staying true to what I believe in.
At first, this initially brought a sense of fear over me. What will my family think of this new side of me? What will my friends think? But after, I realized that my recovery, and the beautiful changes it brings to me or my personality cannot be centered around what those around me think.
It can only be centered around what I think, and I think I am doing an incredible job.
I am not only proud of myself for speaking my truth and for standing up for what I believe in-but I am proud of myself for raising my own bar of expectations.
Now that I know I have it within me to stand up for what I believe is right, even in the face of those close and dear to me who do not agree, it shows me that my roots of who I am have been planed into this earth.
Me, as a person-my morals, my vales, my expectations of myself, has been planted and they are not going anywhere.
People may try to sway me back and forth. Ed may try to shake me, hit me, push me or cut me down-but he can’t, and they can’t, because once roots get planted, they are there to stay.
So today, I wake up feeling like this strong tall tree with roots planted in the ground, with this overwhelming feeling of a true sense of self.
I do not mean that I know exactly who I am, because I don’t-but I do know, that for today, I am strong, I am proud, and I am so ready to take on the world.
Today is a happy day, because I woke up happy being me-and I didn’t let Ed sabotage that-even through getting dressed.
I don’t want to continue writing this post and get on the subject of other things, as my main emotion of how I am feeling today is happiness, and I want to keep it at that.
I woke up happy today to simply be me-and not the old me.
The new me-the strong, proud, secure and confidant me-the me that is evolving without Ed controlling my life.
I will leave you all with the same words that I am going to leave myself with as I leave my house and start my day today, “hello life.”