Today, for the first time in a while, I am feeling calm.
After a few days of letting Ed’s thoughts about the “unsafe” foods I was eating and even a one pound weight gain clutter my mind, to feel calm is a relief.
Even today at the gym , my body felt weak and for whatever reason I just wasn’t feeling well so I decided to not work out .
Usually I would force myself through the workout because to not workout would bring me anxiety and worries about what it would do to my body .
But today was not like that . I left the gym, came home to eat and I feel calm and relaxed .
There aren’t very many shadows of Ed today lingering around me and it feels good and peaceful to just be in this place of calm.
I can actually say that I can go sit down today, do my homework and truly focus on it, instead of focusing and obsessing over food and numbers.
On top of that, it’s Friday . It’s Friday and there was no number on a scale today to tell me if I am good enough to enjoy my weekend .
I’m not saying I feel great in my body at the moment, but being calm and at ease helps me to be more accepting of it.
This is my Friday , not Ed’s.
It’s my weekend, not Ed’s.
I can’t predict tomorrow (as much as I would like to), but I can say that I am looking forward to being in this place of peace and calmness.
It is up to me to bring myself back to this place whenever Ed tries to bring me over to his obsessive, rigid and anxiety filled world.
It’s in my power to be stronger than Ed and to keep him out of this calm world that I’ve worked so hard to create for myself .
I don’t know if I can keep him out of here forever , but I will and can for today .
I am happy that I am able to find peace even within this daily war between Ed and I.
Today will be a beautiful, calm and peaceful Friday and Ed will just have to sit back and accept that because I will not let him ruin it for me.
Hello to a happy Friday without Ed interfering and hello life.