Good morning everyone,
Today is a day where the time has come to put my recent sadness or stresses about recovery behind me and it’s time to let myself be a sister.
Today, my sister and I are taking our 10 year old brother to Disneyland for his birthday.
Every year I take him some where special for his birthday, just me and him.
I can look back at where we went last year, tell you the exact day it was, the exact number of how much I weighed that day, and I can even tell you what I ate that day because I packed all vegetables for myself for the entire day and didn’t let myself eat anything else.
At the end of the day last year, that day was not measured by how much fun my brother and I had, it was measured if I was able to stick to eating “good” for the day. And I did.
It’s crazy and yet beautiful to look back and see how far things have come in one year.
There is no bag packed today with vegetables for me today, and best of all, there is no number on a scale for me to wake up to telling me if I am a good enough or skinny enough person today.
There is no number to tell me if I am allowed to have fun today, or if I am allowed to be a good sister today, or if I am allowed to even go to Disneyland today and be around unsafe foods.
Today will not be measured by how or what I eat, it will be measured by the number of laughs, hugs and smiles my brother, sister and I will share.
Today is why I am doing recovery.
So I might feel a little uncomfortable in my clothes this morning, I might be thinking about what I ate yesterday or the food we might eat today-but, there is no number to validate me.
Instead of a number to validate me today, there is my brother.
My brother gets to validate me by calling me the best sister in the world-by being happy just to be with me-by being happy that we are together.
It has nothing to do with going to Disneyland, it’s the fact that we are together, and Ed is not in the way of us.
I am an older sister today taking my little brother to celebrate his birthday and I know that it will light up his entire world, and right now, that is all the validation that I need.
I will be present today and I will live in the moment.
I will not let Ed keep me from my brother and keep me from having a beautiful incredible day.
Right now in this exact moment, there is a little boy waiting for me at home to come pick him up for one of the best day’s he will have of his entire year.
He is not thinking about how much I weigh, he is not thinking about how my jeans fit me-all he is thinking is how excited he is to be with me, and I can truthfully say, that I feel the same.
I get to be the best sister in the world today and Ed is 100% not coming along for the ride.
It’s amazing to start my day without a number to ruin it.
It’s amazing I get to start my day as the best sister in the world, and not as a number, and to that I can smile and say, “hello life.”