Good afternoon everyone,
I’ve waited until now to write this post a little later in my day because at first I didn’t know what to say .
I woke up this morning and I simply felt free.
I felt alive.
The first thing I thought about when I woke up was what I had to do today.
I didn’t think about how big I felt or how different my stomach looked in the mirror .
I’ve realized that I am capable of doing so many productive and even fun things for myself when my time is not consumed by living in my world with Ed.
Instead of standing on a scale every morning, I now eat breakfast and watch the news.
Instead of spending countless hours feeling hungry and chewing pack after pack of gum, I now go out with friends and socialize.
Instead of spending my nights sick in a bathroom or laying in bed calculating how many calories I ate all day, I now take time to relax and be with friends and family.
Instead of spending hours at the gym, I now have the ability to take care of myself and only spend an hour there .
It is almost as if I am not sure what to do with all this new free time I have now that I’m not spending every second of my day obsessing over weight and food.
I feel that at least for today , I am on a high from this new life that is slowly becoming free of Ed.
I am being productive today . I am taking care of myself today. I am free today.
I have gone through half my day so far without Ed; without hearing I’m not worthy and without hearing I’m only a number on a scale.
I just keep thinking to myself, “wow, is this really how my life could be everyday without this eating disorder? Productive, freeing and full of self love ?”
I don’t want to get ahead of myself and try to make every single day for the rest of my week to be almost perfect like this one.
Even though the perfectionist in me would love to do that, I am going to give life a chance to take me where it wants to take me .
I know that as long as I stay committed to my recovery, life will not let me down.
Hello to a beautiful day of feeling high on the beauty of a free life from Ed and hello life.