Good afternoon everyone,
Yesterday was definitely one of the hardest days of my recovery so far, yet at the same time it was one of my biggest successes.
I did not view yesterday as a success until this morning.
Yesterday, all Ed wanted me to do was stay home, in my bedroom, and sit with him all day. He wanted me to not eat, he wanted me to be isolated and he wanted to suffocate me with his judgements and with his restrictions.
While I did stay home pretty much all day, I did not completely give into Ed.
The fact that I was able to go and eat yesterday, and even eat dinner with my family, was a huge punch in the face to Ed. Ed tried so hard to tell me not to eat that dinner, he tried to tell me how exhilarated I would feel to not eat that meal and how not eating would help my soreness go away.
But guess what Ed? I did eat that meal, and I feel bigger, better and stronger this morning because of it, and my soreness is now gone.
After I ate dinner, I decided to go out with one of my good friends of many years. After she read my blog yesterday, she told me to come out with her-just to laugh and to not be alone.
At first, I told her no. Actually, Ed told me to tell her no. Going out with people meant stepping outside of his box again and it meant telling him that he does not control my whole life anymore. It might have taken me a few hours, but in the end, I decided to go out, and I am so happy that I did.
Last night when I was out with my friend, I was not out with Ed. I went out and made the conscience choice to leave Ed at home.
I laughed, I talked, and I was able to actually have a good time without Ed comforting me with his lies and ideas of false happiness that would come from restricting food.
I beat Ed yesterday, and I beat him bad. I won both rounds in our boxing ring yesterday-I won the dinner round, and I won the isolation round when I decided to go out.
I have realized that yesterday was me doing recovery. This is it. I am doing recovery, and I think I am doing an OK job at it.
Hello to another beautiful day of me living in recovery, and hello life.