Day 44: I’m Alive

Good morning all,

I woke up this morning and saw this quote pop up on my daily inspiration application on my phone:

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

I don’t believe in coincidence, and I believe that me seeing this quote this morning was God working in a mysterious way, because he knew I needed to see it.

Today is Wednesday, which means it is the day of the week I go to see my nutritionist, who of course, has to weigh me.  I hate going to her only for that reason.  I hate standing on that scale and feeling like yet another number, even though it is one that I cannot see, is being used to measure my progress or success in recovery.

I went to sleep anxious about it last night, and I woke up anxious about it this morning-until I saw that quote.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”

When I read this, it truly hit me.

So maybe I am anxious for having to stand on a scale today-yet I am alive, and I am breathing.

So maybe I had a hard day yesterday with the guilt I felt for not only following my meal plan, but for even adding more to it-but I am alive.

So maybe I cried last night, but I am alive.

I am going through a period of suffering right now, but, through my suffering, I am alive, and I will be alive when it is done.

Yes, I will not sugar coat anything for myself and say that today is going to be easy, because it is not. Today will be hard.

It will be hard to stand on that scale, especially after being on the meal plan all week.

It will be hard to stand on that scale and not let the fear of what that number might say, let Ed come out of his box and back into my hard fought free world.

Standing on that scale will be hard. Possibly getting a new plan will be hard.  But through it all, I will remind myself that I am here on this Earth, I am on my way to living the free and deserving life that I deserve, and I am alive.

The suffering and pain I am feeling right now, in terms of my relationship with Ed, my relationship with others, and even my sometimes doubtful relationship with myself, will one day be my source of strength. For today, it will remind me that I am here, I am breathing, I am fighting, and therefore, I am alive.

I am alive. I am alive. I am alive.

And by being alive, I can fight another day towards reaching full recovery.

By being alive, I can strive another day for the life of freedom and true sense of self that  I have already begun to taste is waiting for me.

I am thankful that  I woke up this morning with the privilege of being alive, and therefore with the privilege to continue to fight for my recovery.

I am alive, and I am stronger, better and bigger than Ed will ever be, and to that I can say, “hello life.”

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3 thoughts on “Day 44: I’m Alive

  1. Shira, I wish you could only see the huge smile on my face as I am reading this. I am SO proud of you!! Yes, you are right that although you are suffering now, you will come out shining on the other end when you are finished working through this. You are doing an amazing job! And yes, it is great to be thankful to be able to wake up and be alive and breathing! Good for you in having that positive attitude even when you know it’s going to be a hard day! I love you!!

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