Good morning everyone,
I am so excited to tell you all that this morning, I am going to be participating in the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) Walk of 2013.
When I first signed up for this walk, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. In the past, I have done breast cancer walks and other walks for charity, but never did I imagine that I would be walking in support of myself for raising awareness for eating disorders. I couldn’t imagine it because up until 40 days ago, I was so immersed in my dark and hopeless eating disordered world, that I truly thought I deserved to live that way, and that was the way my life would be.
For such a long time, Ed (my eating disorder) made me feel ashamed of our life together. He made me feel that I needed to keep him a secret from my family and friends, because if I told them about our relationship, they would judge me. Ed even made me feel ashamed when I signed up for the NEDA walk a few months ago-how dare I do something so publicly against him?
Well Ed-here I am 40 days into not weighing myself and essentially 40 days into recovery, and I can honestly say that I am no longer ashamed of you and I am no longer ashamed of the life that we once had together. Even though that life was destructive and suffocating, it has led me to become the fighter I am today, and therefore, I will never be ashamed of what brought me to this point.
Ed, I am not scared to tell the whole world about you now, and I am not afraid to talk about how difficult our separation is.
I am actually proud that we are no longer living together inside my head every single minute of the day, and I am so proud to be participating in the NEDA walk today.
I am proud that by me doing this walk today, I am committing to another day of keeping Ed inside his life sucking box all by himself.
I am extremely blessed that my beautiful sister is going to be walking right along side next to me today. Throughout my recovery, she has been my rock. The fact that she is proudly standing next to me today, is something I can never thank her for in words because my gratitude to her runs so deep into my heart, there are no sufficient words to express how I feel.
I also feel blessed that I am going to be among other fighters just like me today. It is such an incredible feeling to know that I am going to be surrounded by strength, courage and bravery all morning long.
There is a famous saying, and forgive me if I don’t have it exactly correct, but it goes something like this: “Don’t just talk the talk-walk the walk.”
All of us who are participating in the NEDA walk today (and those of us fighting for our recovery), and those who have already done it or who will do it, are doing just that.
Fellow fighters, we are walking the walk-both literally and metaphorically. We are walking the walk to recovery.
And by walking, we are taking a stand.
By walking the walk, we are taking a stand against eating disorders and doing what every single eating disorder hates the most-we are spreading awareness and exposing the truth. We are exposing our truths, and leaving the false truths created by our eating disorders behind.
We are coming together, the warriors and fighters that we are, and we are walking for our freedom, for our health, and for our lives.
Today, I woke up not as a number on a scale, and not as a prisoner of my eating disorder.
Instead, I woke up a warrior.
Hello to walking the walk to recovery, and hello life.