Day 36: Choosing To Be Thankful

Good morning everyone,

I can’t let myself be in this darkness any longer.

I know that the struggles I’ve been facing are part of the healing process, and that these walls that I have hit in the past few days will indeed come back. I know the darkness will creep back into my hard earned recovery world, but for today, I am choosing to let the light inside instead of the darkness and I am choosing to be thankful.

I sit here this morning, reflecting back on the past few days-the tears I’ve cried, the self judgement I’ve imposed on myself, and the fearful thoughts that my eating disorder has planted in my mind, and I just cannot go another day like that.

I know that it is OK to be fighting with my eating disorder and it is OK to feel the negative emotions I’ve been feeling, but I also know that sometimes in life, you need to pick yourself up out of a bad situation and land yourself some where very far away from it. Somewhere foreign, somewhere new and somewhere unfamiliar.

Here I am, landing myself in the land of recovery-the scary, unknown land of recovery. But at the same time, it is a land of thankfulness and gratitude.

Today, I am choosing to be thankful for my recovery.

I am choosing to start my day, right now, by turning my head up towards God and thanking him for bringing me to this point in my journey. I am so thankful, that through the good days, and most importantly, through the bad days, that God has given me the inner strength to push through the darkness and he has never let me loose sight of my recovery.

Today, I am thankful for the beautiful family that I have. I am thankful that they love me now, during my process of recovery. I am thankful that they loved me even when I chose to love my eating disorder more than myself. For this unconditional love and support, I am so truly thankful.

I am thankful for E-who without her, my recovery would never have happened. E saved my life, and there is no other thing in this world to be thankful for, other than life.

I am thankful to the support this blog has brought me.

Lastly, and this is very uncomfortable and weird for me to say, since self praise is not something I usually do, but I am thankful to myself. I am thankful that I was born with such an unbreakable spirit, that nothing, even the life sucking presence of an eating disorder, can break it. I am thankful that I found the strength deep within myself, somehow and someway, to choose recovery.

I am thankful that today, I am fighting for my recovery.

Here I am recovery-I am waiting at your door steps with all my bags packed, with Ed shoved inside, not getting a word in. And while I know it will take quite a while for me to climb the steps up towards your door, I am just thankful that I am here climbing them in the first place.

Hello to me being thankful, hello to me climbing towards recovery, and “hello life.”

recovery thankful 2

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10 thoughts on “Day 36: Choosing To Be Thankful

  1. Shira, that is a great attitude to have. And first of all it is NOT weird to be tankful for yourself. Remember self compassion and loving kindness. That is what you are doing. There are actually studies showing that if you write down 3 things everyday you are grateful for, it will increase your level of happiness and gratitude. Today you wrote down at 8 things that I can remember that you are thankful for. The key is to look at what you wrote down nightly to remember these things. They can be as simple as you are thankful for the sun is shining today. Over time, they will help bring you strength. I am do proud of you Shira. Every step you take is a step toward your recovery. One step at a time. Just keep the present moment in mind and that will help too. I love you!

  2. Shira, I love your spirit. It is inspirational. I’m sorry that yesterday was so tough for you and I want to suggest another way to change direction. Distraction is so easy it’s often overlooked and can be as simple as a walk which I mentioned earlier, a phone call, a visit to someplace special near you, buying something which gives you pleasure, volunteering, etc. I think your brother gave you similar advice this week and his ideas were great. I especially liked the one where he said to call your sibling. Consider a distraction a step forward when you’re stuck or a moment of peace when you need one.

  3. I am thankful for you !
    I am thankful that you are my sister who I get to see everyday.
    I am thankful that I have a life long friend who I look up to.
    I am thankful that you care for yourself more than you care for Ed.
    I am thankful that you are thankful to yourself, because you are strong, you are powerful, and you will achieve anything you belive.
    I am thankful to be apart of your life.
    I am thankful that you care about yourself, love yourself, and want to help yourself because I love and care for you more.
    I am thankful that you have the support that you do, and I am thankful for the support I revive from you as well.
    I am thanful that you are striving to live a happy and healthy life.
    I am thankful for all te times I think of you and my heart fills with joy knowing that you are treating yourself and living yourself as best as you can 🙂
    I am thankful that you love me and that I love you. Have an amazing day

  4. Saying thank you will bring you so much more of everything your thankful for, if that makes sense. And it’s not only you at recoveries steps, I’m standing right next to you and so is every person who supports you, we all have all our belongings packed up and we are taking every step with you as a team.

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