Good afternoon everybody,
With all the major changes that happened this week, I have pretty much in survival mode . From making the life changing decision to leave my boyfriend of three years for the good of my future, to completely moving out of his home, to fighting my eating disorder every minute, this week has been nothing but my body doing what it needed to do to simply survive .
My mind and soul also stayed focused and did what they had to do to keep me focused on my recovery .
But now that this storm has passed , my body and mind are giving up on being in survival mode, and I don’t blame them.
It is now time for me to let myself break, and let my emotions ride the wave their going to ride.
Yes, I’ve been trying to avoid this moment all week, but for once , I am going to listen to my body with telling me what it needs. And for today, it needs rest.
My eating disorder hates when I let my body rest- this means no calorie burning and no obsessive thoughts about food and restriction. And he has already tried to convince me to skip resting and move into fight and flight mode again because that’s when Ed flourishes – when I can’t handle emotions.
But although I’m ready to let myself take a rest today, I am still strong enough to fight Ed.
Essentially, I’m going to try to take a rest from Ed too. I’m not saying forever, because that’s not realistic , but just for today.
The fact that I am able to connect with my body and feel that it needs a break, is something that I never could have done before I stated recovery .
It is scary because I still don’t trust my body, but listening to it like I am today, is keeping me on the right path to rebuilding that trust .
Today I will rest my body and I will nourish it with food and Ed will just have to sit and watch as I do so.
Hello to listening to my body, hello to another day of me challenging Ed, and “hello life.”