I had a major victory yesterday when it came to Ed and I.
If you remember, I wrote a blog post last week about how my Thursday nights, especially my Thursday night dinners with my grandma, were completely dominated by Ed (my eating disorder).
Well, last night I finally broke that restrictive and Ed controlled routine of going to that same restaurant with my grandma and getting that same plain salad with nothing on it.
My cousin, my grandma and I actually went out to a fish house for dinner–it was even a restaurant that I had picked. We ate bread together and we ate a real meal together. I was even able to share with them how incredible the taste of bread and butter was.
Right before we left the house to go out to dinner, my grandma turned to me and asked me where we were going to go eat.I can’t even explain in writing, the immense amount of pride that I took in saying the name of a new restaurant–and a restaurant that not only I liked, but that my grandma and my cousin liked too.
Eating at a new restaurant may sound silly to some people, but for me, it was symbolic of telling Ed that he will no longer get in the way of my relationships with those who I love and care about in my life.
Today is also the third Friday in a row that I have not weighed myself, and I feel like I am floating on a cloud. The irony in this is that although this past week I have eaten more than I have in years, I feel so light.
I feel like I could just pick my feet up off this earth and fly around and around in circles of gratitude and happiness.
There is no number today to tell me that I was wrong for enjoying myself with my family last night. There is no number today to tell me if I will have a good or bad weekend. There is no number today to determine my value as a human being.
Instead of a number, there is me. There is me waking up feeling grateful for my life, feeling grateful for my support system, and feeling grateful to my own inner strength for getting me through another day of recovery.
Yesterday, I took back my Thursday nights from Ed and made them my own again.
I was so happy last night, that when I got home from dinner, I sat on my bed and I cried. I was crying tears of happiness and smiling all at the same time. Actually, as I am finishing to write this post, I can already feel my tears of joy coming back.
And as I sit here this morning and reflect on the beautiful Ed-free night I had last night, I can genuinely say to you all, and to myself, “hello life.”
11 thoughts on “Day 18: A Victorious Thursday”
I’m so happy for you! You deserve to be free and enjoy again what most of us take for granted.
Keep on keeping on!
Thank u mom! Im happy to share it w u and i love looking forward to your.comments every morning. Love u!
That a girl Shira. I am happy, very happy to hear about your progress. Now when you are ready lets take your Friday nights back. We miss you.
thank u itzik! Tonight il be at a play w my grandma but next friday il definitely be there. I love u guys n miss u n cant wait to give u a hug. Not only will i take my fridays back in time il take my whole life back. Love u!
That is wonderful Shira! I’m so happy that you are progressing on your journey and continuing to knock out Ed along the way! Every day will be a new step or victory in your recovery. Relish in your joy and continue to be proud of yourself! You are amazing! I love you!
Thank u auntie norine i love u 2!
I am so happy to be a part of your breakthrough. As I told you, you are a beautiful writer and express yourself so well . Keep strong. Love grandma
What a beautiful and inspiring post. I am so happy for you and so proud you were able to enjoy a different restaurant. Love you continue to be the string beautiful person you are.
Thank you monique I feel so lucky to have such an amazing and supportive sister like you. Next new restaurant I hope you will be there, i love you!
Amazing Shira, taking back control of your life one day at a time. Three fridays with no scale, trying new restaurant and actually enjoying your food. That is tenacity, keep up the momentum.
Thank you so much Roey! I love every thing you write and it gives me happiness and support. Thank you!