Good morning everyone,
I am honestly pretty sick and tired about writing about how fat I feel every day and about the unhealthy things that my eating disorder tells me to do about it. So in hopes of shifting my energy to something more positive, I am not going to make this entry about everything my eating disorder can do and about everything it can control;and instead, I am going to make this entry about what I can do for myself-what I can do without my eating disorder in my way.
Part of me feels a little embarrassed that I even need to be doing this for myself in the first place. I am thinking, “do I seriously need to make a list of the things that I can do to help myself just to get me through the day? how pathetic.” But yes, that is what I need at the moment, and that is what I am going to do. And when I am done with this post, I will force myself to read this list every time I am feeling that my eating disorder is controlling me.
So here it goes:
I can wake up every day and not weigh myself.
I can take care of myself and eat when I am hungry.
I can be a good student.
I can make the commitment to not weigh myself for an entire year.
I can be a loving sister, daughter, friend and girlfriend.
I can write a blog.
I can listen to what I need from myself–such as the need to write this list.
I can laugh, I can smile and I can even make a joke.
I can eat dinner with my boyfriend.
I can be close to God.
I can have faith that God has a plan, and that everything in my life is happening for a reason.
I can see my future one day being filled with freedom, self acceptance and health.
I can be proud of myself for getting help for my eating disorder.
I can write this blog and not be ashamed of what I am going through.
I can be Shira instead of being a number on a scale.
I can be strong.
I can be grateful for all the support I have in my life.
And last but most definitely not least,
I can say “hello life.”